“They said to each other, ‘Did not our hearts burn within us while he talked to us on the road,
while he opened to us the Scriptures?'” – Luke 24:32

Imagine walking on the road to Emmaus with Jesus and having Him open up the Word–His Word–to you. I get chills just thinking about it.  God Himself–in the flesh–speaking His Words into my heart.  No wonder the disciples’ hearts burned within them!  Their eyes may not have yet been opened, but their hearts certainly were.

Each time I have opened God’s Word lately, my own heart has burned within me.  Whether I am writing it, reading it, praying it, listening to it, or speaking it–every word of God’s Word causes my heart to flutter with life, expectation, and hope.

And the other day as God brought to mind the above passage about the men on the road to Emmaus, He reminded me of the truth this passage conveys.   Jesus may not physically walk this earth like He did over 2000 years ago, but He does still walk it today.  He walks the road to–well, anywhere–right by my side.  He walks it right by your side as well.  And He walks it using His Word.

Think about it.  John 1:1 tells us, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.”  Do you want to know God?  Do you want to have your heart burn on the road of life like the hearts of those disciples 2000 years ago?  I know I do.  Yet for my heart to burn with such holy expectation and life, I must first read His Word.  I must write His Word.  I must dwell in His Word.  For His Words are life.  He is life.  And to dwell in His Word is to dwell in Him.

God is truly with us.  He is indeed our “Immanuel” (Matthew 1:23).  Yet the only way we can walk the road of life with Him is to walk the road in His Word.  And as He speaks–and as we listen–we may not physically see Him with our eyes, but we will certainly see Him with our hearts.

 “Behold, the virgin shall be with child, and bear a Son, and they shall call His name Immanuel,”
which is translated, “God with us” (Matthew 1:23).  

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”  – Romans 8:28

God uses all of it. He uses every moment of our lives for His glory and His purposes.

Looking at me–with my makeup free face except for most Sundays and hair that is truly unpredictable–you would never think of me as a salon receptionist. But indeed I was. For a portion of my college career I worked at the salon of a friend. During this time I experienced my first facial, first manicure, first pedicure, and even some attempts at hair coloring (although even the hair stylist commented on my wild hair.)  As I’ve looked back on that time, I’ve sometimes wondered how and why I had the job.

Yet then this weekend God reminded me He uses it all. While setting up for one of our church outreach ministries this past weekend, I was assigned the job of decorating a tent with candy canes. In securing the candy canes, I thought a bow would be both effective and ascetically pleasing. Yet the thought of making a bow worthy of our church productions was a little bit daunting to me.  I admit I was a little hesitant about making a bow out of tulle.

Within moments of my decision to attempt the bow, and after texting my friend my personal opinion that I was “bow-challenged,” God brought to mind a memory from my salon days:  the day one of the salon workers showed me how to tie a bow on a present.  I could picture her standing there showing me how to create a bow that actually looked pretty. So as I faced the tent this weekend with tulle in hand, I tied the bow the way I was taught so many years ago.

Voilà! A bow! One simple lesson from my days in college working an uncharacteristic job had just enabled me to tie a bow (and 3 more after that) to decorate a tent for ministry. And ministry is truly what makes me tick.

God never makes mistakes. Never.  Just as God used David’s time tending sheep to prepare him to be king, God uses every moment of our lives to prepare us for His work.  Every moment–even the unusual moments–God uses.  He not only uses these moments, He works them “together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

“Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you,
and therefore He exalts Himself to show mercy to you.
For the Lord is a God of justice;
blessed are all those who wait for Him.”
(Isaiah 30:18)

God waits.  Ponder that for a moment.  God waits.    The God of the universe, Maker of Heaven and Earth, waits.   What does He wait for?  He waits for us.  He loves us, He longs for us,  and He desires to be gracious to us.  Yet before He can shower us with His presence, before He can use us for His purposes, He first waits. He waits for us to wait for Him. He doesn’t chase us; our enemies do that.  He doesn’t run after us;  although we often run away from Him.  He waits.  He simply waits. And as He waits, He calls.  He beckons each of us to come.  To bow before His throne.  To be still.  To cease our striving.  To surrender.  He waits for us to wait upon Him.

What happens when we wait?  God is faithful to show Himself strong.   God doesn’t call us to “be still and know” (Psalm 46:10) He is God so our enemies can be victorious over us.  He doesn’t ask us to wait so we can be trampled underfoot.  Just the opposite.  He calls us to  be still knowing when we cease striving, victory will come and our enemies will be defeated.  When we wait, God is exalted.  For God exalts Himself.  Yes–once we wait, once we stop pursuing our own agenda, once we cease grasping at the winds of human desire, once we surrender our every moment to God–God MOVES.  And when God moves, miracles happen, lives are changed, souls are saved.

 So let your heart take courage, my friend.  Take courage in the Lord.  Know and trust and believe you will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living (Psalm 27:13).  

“Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!”
(Psalm 27:14) 

“All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had spoken by the prophet…” (Matthew 1:22)

As I read through the book of Matthew, I find myself pausing to smile at verses like the one above; there are many of them throughout the book.  With each occurrence, I reflect upon God’s amazing sovereignty.  For He truly is sovereign.    Before the foundation of the world, God existed. He was, He is, and He always will be.  Before He ever said, “Let there be light”; before He breathed life into man; before Adam and Eve chose to disobey; before Jesus came to die for our sins; before I was ever conceived; before it all–God knew it all.  Before He spoke those first words of life, He knew everything–and I mean every thought, word, action that could and would happen.  He knew.  And He knows.   He knows my every moment.  He knows your every moment.  And in His knowledge–in His sovereignty–He is weaving an amazing story.  It is His story, yet it is ours as well.

Nothing surprises God.  He knew Jesus would be born in a manger; He foretold it  He knew Jesus would be called a Nazarene; He foretold it.  He knew Jesus would be sinless and die on the cross; He foretold it.   And in the same way He knew the life of Jesus, He knows my life.  He knows your life.   He knows what happened yesterday.  He knows what happened today.  He knows what will happen tomorrow.  And He has a plan.  Even those things which attempt to throw us down, to crush us, to make us lose faith–He knows, and He has a plan. God has a divine purpose for each of us.   It may not make sense in the moment–like I doubt Mary and Joseph would have fully understood having to move around so much in the early years of Jesus–but it makes sense to the One who wrote the story, to the One who knows the beginning and the end.  After all, He IS the beginning and the end.

Now I admit I–with my limited understanding–would not choose all the things that have happened, are happening now, or will happen in my life.  I do not think Mary would have chosen a manger as a crib for her precious bundle of joy.   I actually do not believe God in His sovereignty would have necessarily chosen everything for each of our lives either.  God didn’t choose sin; He hates it.  God didn’t choose sickness; He is the Healer.  God didn’t choose death; He is the Resurrection and the Life.  But He did choose us.  He chose me.  He chose you. He chose each of us before the foundation of the world.  And He chose us knowing everything. Everything.   The good.  The bad.   Everything. He also chose to work out all things for His purpose and according to His glory.  He didn’t choose all the bad things which happen to us, but He did choose to use all of them to fulfill His purpose in our lives.   He has a plan.  He has a purpose for my life.  He has a purpose for your life.  And even if what we may be experiencing appears to be a mistake or an unbearable load, we must remember God is sovereign.  God doesn’t cause the bad things to happen, for God is not the author of evil, but in His sovereignty He is more than able to use all of it–yes, all of it–“that it may be fulfilled” in my life.  Each moment, each word, each thought so  “that it may be fulfilled.”

The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me;
your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever… (Psalm 138:8)

Let my heart be steadfast, oh Lord!  Let my heart be steadfast! May the desires of my heart be desires born of Your Spirit. For Your Spirit is life–eternal life.

“…All flesh is grass,
and all its beauty is like the flower of the field.
The grass withers, the flower fades
when the breath of the Lord blows on it;
surely the people are grass.
The grass withers, the flower fades,
but the word of our God will stand forever.” – Isaiah 40:6-8

Affirmation.  It’s my love language for sure.   Words of affirmation from friends and family perpetuate the relationships from loose connections to 3-fold cords which cannot be broken.  Yet God has been showing me something lately: affirmation from man is like man–it is temporal, it is fleeting, and it fades.  Affirmation from man will not last.   Tell me you are proud of me today and I will float through the day and maybe even the next on a cloud of assurance and joy knowing I am loved and appreciated.  Yet then something will be said, something will be done–or something will be left unsaid or undone–which will in turn cause the fleeting feelings of man’s assurance to blow away like a vapor in the wind.  It’s vanity.  It’s not meaningless, but it’s not eternal either.

For years I craved, longed for, and even sought out man’s approval and affirmation.  To go any period of time without someone affirming me would leave me doubting, fearful, and wondering what I did wrong.  I wasn’t happy unless I knew others were happy with me.  Silence was deafening. And then to know for sure someone was unhappy with me was like a knife to my heart; I could not handle it.  It brought death to me in many ways.  Yet God has shown me living to make man proud of me left me like man:  broken.  God has shown me depending on something broken to make me whole only leaves me more broken.

So how can I be whole?  By trusting in what is eternal: God’s affirmation. His affirmation is the only affirmation able to reach the innermost places of my human heart and heal them and make them whole.  What God affirms, no man can reject.

So last night I got down on my knees and began praying to God about this need for affirmation, this desire to feel like someone is proud of me, that someone cares for me.  I asked Him to help me grasp with my heart what He wanted me to know. And He did. Oh how He faithfully did.  No sooner did the prayer “I just want to make You proud of me” leave my lips than I heard my God speak “I am proud of you.” The chains fell off. My need to hear man affirm me vanished. It’s gone. My Heavenly Father affirmed me! And His affirmation is living and eternal.

Think about it….it makes total sense to me now. I am proud of my children, not because of what they do or don’t do, but because they are mine. I am proud of them because they are mine. God is proud of me because I am His. He loves me. He chose me. He is proud of me. No human affirmation could ever compare to the life giving affirmation of my God. God’s proud of me. Not because of anything I’ve done. I can’t MAKE Him proud of me. Nothing I could ever do or say could MAKE Him proud of me. He IS proud of me. For I am His. He’s proud of me because I am His.

And so are you, my friend.  So are you.

What do I think I’ll be accountable for when I tiptoe into heaven? I believe I will be held accountable for this season. I believe He has allowed this for His good pleasure. I do not believe He necessarily caused all of it–I believe human decisions and mindsets have also played a factor–but I believe He in His sovereignty is using all of it. I know am to learn and to grow from all of it–the good, the bad, and the ugly. I am to love Him and I am to love others through it; I am to persevere. I am to hold fast to the confession. I am to seek Him, to dwell in His presence, to hope in His Word. I am to walk with faith unwavering amidst uncertainty. When my foot slips, I am to get back up and keep moving forward.

For years I’ve knowingly and unknowingly placed my security in what I did for people and what people thought about me (or what I thought they thought about me). Yet during this season God is calling me to go deeper. He’s calling me to walk the road of faith with perseverence. I may not have a specific man-named assignment during this season. I may not be labeled as “doing” anything according to Christian ministry tradition. Others may not understand why I am not jumping into “active” duty. Yet I believe I am walking in obedience to a spiritual assignment: to be me, the me God designed me to be, and to dwell, dwell at His feet. I have value, but my value is not dependent on anything I do or don’t do. Even though man may appear not to want or need me to do anything–even though there doesn’t appear to be a place for me right now–I am valuable; I am God’s child.

God has called me to serve, and I am doing that even now. I am serving in the waiting. And honestly, I’m not sure I want to label it waiting anymore. It’s more my season of dwelling, dwelling in His presence. I’m like Mary, sitting at His feet, soaking up His presence. His presence convicts, breaks, binds, restores, and rebuilds. His presence is life to me. I’m not waiting for something better; I’m dwelling in Him now. I am better because of now.

I’ve come to love this season. Yes, there are days people unknowingly do or say things that momentarily crush my hopes or shatter my sense of value. Yes, there are days I feel this season was man’s choice, not God’s.  Yes, there are days I cry out for God to rescue me, to bring the future He’s promised to pass.  Yes, there are days of doubt, of fear, of uncertainty, of asking, “Why me?” Yet it is also often with the next breath I thank Him for His steadfast love and ask Him to hold off “rescuing” me for a little while longer. Yes, with my next breath I cry out as David did, “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why  are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God” (Psalm 42:5). This “valley,” as some would call it, is not an easy road to walk, but it is one I am grateful for. I am thankful for the opportunity to dwell in His presence, to learn through suffering, to grow through the tears, to heal through the pain.

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, for I see them even now. I see Him now, now more than ever. And I love Him. And He loves me.

“For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” – 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good!
For His mercy endures forever.
Let the redeemed of the Lord say so,
Whom He has redeemed from the hand of the enemy,
And gathered out of the lands,
From the east and from the west,
From the north and from the south.
They wandered in the wilderness in a desolate way;
They found no city to dwell in.
Hungry and thirsty,
Their soul fainted in them.
Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,
And He delivered them out of their distresses.
And He led them forth by the right way,
That they might go to a city for a dwelling place.
Oh, that men would give thanks to the Lord for His goodness,
And for His wonderful works to the children of men!
For He satisfies the longing soul,
And fills the hungry soul with goodness. – Psalm 107:1-9

As I read Psalm 107  this evening (all 43 verses, not just the 9 above), I read my story–God’s story–the source of my joy.  It’s not a joy born of everything going my way.  It is a joy birthed through labor, at times very painful labor. But oh the joy that comes when labor is complete! The new life that comes forth with fresh eyes and fresh hope.

I cannot help but lift up praises to my God, to exclaim His faithfulness to all generations. He redeemed me. He heard my cries. He saw my distress.  And He came. He came and rescued me. He satisfied my longing soul. He shined His light in my darkness. He brought His freedom to my captivity. He healed the broken pieces. He calmed the raging seas. Why? Because His steadfast love endures forever. Yes. He loves me. And I love Him. And I thank Him.

Thank You Lord for hearing my cries, and for delivering me from my distress. Thank You for your steadfast love and Your wondrous works to the children of man.